I have always considered myself extremely introspective. Since my first memory of cognition, I have overanalyzed and overestimated every syllable spilled by my lips, and inferred any possible action which causes any person’s reaction. When you walk by me, I’ve determined what lead you to hang your head or wear that piece of clothing. I have predetermined entire classroom’s mental and emotional genealogy every year of my academic life. 

I was always aware that it had grown from a talent to a detriment at a young age, but now I feel it has grown to be my downfall. I don’t know how to be myself anymore. Since my surgery I have been my only confidant, my mental stimulus, my source of entertainment. Now I can’t find another person to fill the void which I am so desperately to leave. I have replaced my ability to speak to an entire room, with the need to study it. I have found solace in research and discomfort in conversations. I want so much to be my outgoing self again, but I just don’t remember how. 

I only wish I had left breadcrumbs….